Write to Encourage Yourself
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Hello Dear One,
Do you have a self-critical voice? I’m conscious of mine, words that sneak in, again and again, ladling on the pressure. When I get it under control in one area of my life it seems to be up and running in another. It even says for heaven's sake when I’m being self-critical: because I know better. I’ve done the work, I practice self-compassion, so why can’t I always embody it?
When I was a teenager we went ice-skating for a friend’s birthday. I found it hard to balance, so I teetered around close to the edge, holding on to the barrier. I was self-conscious, but sensed it was the only way I was going to learn – edging out of my comfort zone bit by bit. Then a friend decided to push me. I landed awkwardly (though without slicing my hand: the ultimate fear), humiliated and stunned at the cold. ‘I didn’t think you’d be afraid anymore,’ she said. ‘If you’d already fallen.’ While I can see the logic - the sink or swim, face your fear philosophy, I never got back on the ice. Yet, there are so many times I’ve thrown myself into something with the expectation that I’d just know how to do it. I’ve bullied myself into making things work, without anyone to teach me. And it’s not a good feeling.
I thrive when I can go at my own pace, not when I’m pushed too hard. Any ‘all-in’ pressure leaves me stuck, deflated, and feeling like I’ll never be good enough. What I need instead is encouragement. I often acknowledge my successes, but question how much I help myself at the time of doing, while I’m trying something new.
In her book Fierce Self-Compassion Kirstin Neff says:
“Encouragement allows us to take the journey as far as we’re able to go, even if it doesn’t turn out to be as far as we’d hoped. When I can trust that even if I blow it, I won’t cruelly turn on myself but will instead be supportive, it establishes the sense of safety needed to take risks.”
I’ve been mulling over how to put this into practice, journalling on what might work. I’m learning with you. It might feel awkward at first, but I hope you’ll come with me in exploring the idea, in giving it a go.
A word on the last part: choosing something you aren’t close to believing never works. For example, it’s easy to write ‘you’re doing great’ – but can you feel it? Which part is great? Be specific. And if ‘great’ seems like a stretch can you try ‘really well’? This list of affirmations may be a helpful inspiration. It’s ok to start small.
You can also add forward movement, like - ‘I’m so proud of how you handled that conversation, the next step could be…’ Play around.
This is a huge topic and one journal prompt won’t change a lifelong habit. What we can do is bring encouragement into our consciousness. We can notice when our inner voice is most critical, start to break it down, and decide to act differently. We can plant a seed.
Thanks for being here and being you.
All love,
Jo
WORKSHOPS
Join me every month for ninety minutes of soulful self-exploration, combining grounding exercises with self-compassion and reflection. Open to all, whether you journal regularly or haven’t picked up a pen in years.
Hosted on Zoom they will run on Tuesday 7th September, then the first Thursday of each month: 7th October/4th November/2nd December, from 7.30 - 9 pm. Sessions will be recorded (minus shares) so that you can catch up if you miss one, plus I’ve designed them so you can either drop-in (£15 per session) or do the whole series (£50 for four).
Half the tickets for these are now gone, so head straight to the booking link if you know you’re in for one or two, or hit reply to book the series.
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