Write to Feel Better
Hello Dear One,
How are you?
I went swimming in the sea on Sunday and I’m holding on to the feeling. It’s my first winter of swimming, something I never thought I’d do – before I realised there are plenty of things I might enjoy if I just let myself try them. And there’s something about the cold, and the vastness of the sea, which makes me feel powerful.
This week we’re going deep.
At the weekend I looked up my ex-boyfriend online, saw that he has a new girlfriend and spiralled. Now, I ended that relationship. I decided to walk away from an unhealthy pattern. I knew that even though I loved him it wasn’t working, it wouldn’t work for me. It was an act of supreme self-care. That was three years ago and I’m no longer in love with him, I don’t feel heart pangs or want to get back together. Still, it was enough for all of the worst things I think about myself to come thundering upwards: I’m too old, I deserve to be alone, there’s something wrong with me, I’ll never meet anyone else that loves me like that.
The thing is, I went looking for that information. I had done it before and knew, at some point, I was going to find it. Why am I doing something to hurt myself? I asked myself the next day. And what am I believing about it?
It reminded me of an episode from the podcast How to Fail, where Mo Gawdat said he only allowed himself two types of thinking: joyful and useful. I employed it. Every time a thought would creep in - like ‘I bet his new girlfriend is prettier than me’ - I said to myself: that is not useful or joyful. Give me something I can use.
This is a gift from the universe, I got to eventually. A divine chance for closure, to properly move on. I deleted our relationship from the internet and felt peaceful about it, even proud. I wondered why I hadn’t done it before.
As a thirty-seven-year-old single woman I deal with internalised narratives like this all the time. Especially to do with ageing. When I was younger I believed I had to be thinner to be loved and all it did was take up space: creative space, magic space, happy space. Now, I’m supposed to worry about getting older. Is this is useful? I think not.
This week I invite you to use Mo’s question & apply it to the part of your life that worries you most, or the edge of a wound that hasn’t quite healed. You are not your thoughts. Decide what you want to attach yourself to. Make it joyful.
I hope it helps. Some things are not easy to reframe. Sometimes we are still in the deeply hurting part. But let’s not add to that by beating ourselves up. Let’s choose something better.
Thanks for being here, and being you.
All love,
Jo
WORKSHOP NEWS
My next workshops are Tuesday 24th November & Thursday 10th December, both at 7.30 pm via Zoom. These are an hour of sweet self-care, ideal if you’re struggling to find time and space for yourself. All exercises are designed, with much love and thought, to leave you grounded, hopeful and feeling lighter. All you need is a notebook, pen and cosy, quiet space.
£10/£7 concessions, two gifted spots available for those impacted by the pandemic. Hit reply to book or for further details.
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