Hello Dear One,
Ah, November. I hope it’s treating you well. This is an intense period at work for me and I always dread it. In fact, I was so afraid of this long, dark month I signed up to several groups, many of which I’ve already retreated from. Now I’m focused on one goal: writing my second novel. My first took four years and all of my soul to write. It’s not yet published but the process taught me a lot, particularly that taking time to be is essential. You can’t always be doing. There is always space to take a few deep breaths, to think things through. Feeling like there isn’t is a bigger invitation to look at what’s going on. Let’s make that two goals - writing a book and making sure I’m ok.
This week I wanted to write to you about frustration. For a long time I was frustrated at my empty inbox. I expected someone to write back and say something about my book. I expected movement. But the failing was mine; I should have been moving myself. We should never spend our lives waiting for something that’s beyond our control.
Frustration is one of those emotions we experience so often, but judge ourselves for. I’m frustrated about being frustrated – are you with me? It’s always ok to feel whatever you feel, how you process it - or if you process it - is what matters. I’m frustrated I can’t go to my niece’s first birthday party (which isn’t an actual party because those aren’t allowed); that my yoga studio had to close indefinitely; that there’s an election in America that might not go the way I want it to. I’m frustrated that my life is tightening in on itself again; that things aren’t, well, easier. And that’s ok.
I take this - like all my feelings - seriously. It’s here to move through me, to teach me something and ultimately be released. My favourite form of getting this out of my body is screaming into pillows. Use this exercise to help you identify what’s frustrating you and send it on its way. If a different emotion is coming up for you right now it’s easily adapted.
When I started writing about my frustrations I realised I’m not being selfish or petty, I’m scared and quite vulnerable. When things are hard I give myself oodles of compassion, wrap myself up in love. I say things like - you don’t have to do that right now. I take the pressure off. This way of being is new to me. In my twenties and early thirties, I pushed myself harder and harder, as if there was some invisible goal that was always out of reach. I went closer and closer to burn out and then my life imploded. It doesn’t have to be like that. You can give yourself the time and space you need to process your emotions when you actually feel them. The page is an excellent place to start.
I hope it helps. Thanks for being here and being you.
All love,
Jo
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I totally agree Jo. We can "write out" any negative emotion or difficult experience. I sure wish I found out when I was much younger. I waited until I was nearly sixty to start writing, telling myself I had no time, but the truth is the writing out, through, around what was going on in my life would most likely have given me more time to actually live. Thank you for writing this piece.